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What happens when we are forced to let go of something before we are ready? How do we move through it with grace, love and forgiveness?
On my way to work this week after our first Colorado snowstorm I couldn’t help but notice an overwhelming amount of green leaves on the ground. Green leaves forced to drop before they were ready.
It had me thinking about the things that we have to let go of before we are ready. Maybe it’s a friendship, a partner, a marriage, a job, a place to live, a dream of how it’s supposed to be. Whatever it is it can be so gut wrenchingly painful to let go of things before were ready.
In denying our feelings we deny our self and deny our potential for healing.
It’s important to honor the sadness and the pain that we’re feeling as we let go of something that is still so green. We’re so tempted to say ‘I got this’ or ‘I’m fine’, ‘It’s no big deal’. In denying our feelings we deny our self and deny our potential for healing.
The truth is we can’t just ‘let go’ of things. It often feels like that’s what we have to do. But just like we have to clean up leaves when they fall, we need to ‘clean up’ or integrate experiences after they fall. Integration is what creates healing. When we just ‘let go’ (aka ignore, avoid, sugar coat, etc.) of events, they will come back to haunt us as triggers, emotional outbursts, isolation, depression, projection and other less than pleasant experiences.
When we integrate our experiences, find purpose and grace for them, we can heal. We can use that painful moment to make us stronger and more whole.
Connecting the dots
So how do we integrate these painful experiences? Connecting to stories from our past helps support us in the present. We don’t want to live in our past, unpack there, hang out and let those memories fester. Honoring the wisdom that we’ve gained along our journey through those dark and painful moments allows us to recognize that on the other side of darkness there is light. It is only when we are willing to dive deep into the darkness, pain, hurt and betrayal that we find a light. Find a time in your past where you had to let go of something before you were ready and use the gift of time and hindsight to allow you to see purpose behind that premature letting go. Remind yourself that these forces are at work with your current situation.
Finding purpose and meaning in our pain also helps to integrate what we are going through. When we don’t understand ‘why’ something is happening it’s useful to use the exercise above to help know there is a reason.
If you can, try and find purpose in the letting go now. What are you gaining from this loss? What doors can open for you now that couldn't before? Although loss maybe scary, when we can look at the ways that this thing held us back, we can see a way out of the pain.
Body Wisdom
Another good tool is to identify where are you feel this pain and sadness in your body. Maybe it’s in your chest, in your heart, in your throat. Allow yourself to nourish that area. Gently placing your hands on your body wherever you feel this pain and betrayal and send yourself love, send yourself support, ask your body what you need.
You’re needing is your path to feeling whole.
So often we’re busy just pushing through the pain that if we just stopped for a moment and ask ourselves what we needed we could find a way through that pain with more grace and ease. Don’t judge yourself around you’re needing. You’re needing is your path to feeling whole.
Doing both of these exercises, thinking though a time in the past to help find purpose in the present and feeling the pain in our bodies presently we create more balance and deeper healing then when we do just one or the other.
Mother nature showed us this week what it looks like to let go of things before we are ready. If you are in the process of letting go of something that is still green, something that still feels viable and yet something you know you need to let go of take a look around, remind yourself that it’s exactly how it’s supposed to be. Dive deep into the hurt, anger, loss, and questioning…knowing that this deep dive is what brings you into the light.
I’ll be posting later this week about some somatic exercises you can do to help let go.
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